What is grief?

Have you lost someone you love? Chances are that you have, and that you have felt the pain of grief, and you may still be grieving.

Grief at its core, is a deep sorrow which can lead to feelings of despair, loneliness, helplessness and even guilt over things left unsaid, or things that may have been said.

As women, we are emotional beings. That means the grieving process doesn’t run on a singular track. It crosses into every fiber of our being. Our work, children, spouses, lifestyle and health will all most likely feel the effects of our journey through the process. If you feel like your grief has taken a hold onto some or all aspects of your life, keep reading. Even better, please share your story, more women than you know are just like you, searching for hope, and trying to find their strength.

Truth Bomb

But ladies, here’s a truth, everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. You are not alone. For something that literally everyone experiences, there’s no magic solution to make it easier. On top of that, everyone grieves differently. One woman might seemly ‘move on’ , and accept the loss, while another woman may be visibly distraught for days, months, and even years. So whatever version of grief you had, or are currently going through, is normal. Trust me, I know you may feel like you’re out of your mind, maybe even feeling like a bad mom or lousy wife. All of these feelings are absolutely normal. I’ve felt them, and I’m here to tell you-

You are good enough, you are not crazy and you CAN GET THROUGH IT.

You can and you will get through it.

So take a deep breath, give yourself a second to relax, and and let go of the pressure you are putting on yourself.

From the ashes….

Damli Lama XIV has spoke about an old tibetan saying,

” Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”

For our first part of this series, we will talk about finding your strength and consciously deciding that you WILL make it through the darkness, and come out on the other side of it, different yes, but most importantly stronger.

To make this decision, you really have to take a moment and step out of yourself in a sense. Look at yourself, your quality of life, and it you don’t like what you see, know that it CAN be better and believe that you can be the one- the only one , that can make that change.

Its not easy, it won’t happen overnight. Here is one very critical step that will start you on your journey to rise above the ashes.

1. The Emotional Reality Check

This may sound obvious, but start by identifying the way you are displaying emotions of your grief; in particular the toxic ones. Mine was, and still is, being short tempered. Did your husband forget to pick up his clothes or do an errand for you? Then you immediately shift to thinking “how you can stay married to someone so inconsiderate and rude?” or “lets just go burn all his clothes then there won’t be any on the floor?” It this is also you, girl, I totally understand.

Are you detached from your family or uninterested in daily activities? Maybe lately you feel confused, or feel that your judgement is clouded. I like to think of these emotions as “side effects” to dealing with the grief. They aren’t the real YOU.

Awareness, is the first step in empowering yourself.

With awareness, you identify your emotions, you can recognize them, and deal with them. If your emotional actions are having a negative toxic effect on your life, its time to admit to yourself that you can make a positive change, and work on letting them go.

Perhaps you have heard the saying, “Hurt people, hurt people.”

Whoever thought that up was a simplification genius. Short sweet and to the point.

When we are feeling pain, sadness, abandonment and any other term for hurt, we are most likely to intentionally or not, cause hurt to others.

But now you have given yourself an emotional ‘reality check’, and best of all now you are aware. Asking for understanding from your family and closest friends is a great way to let them know you are aware and working on it. Give yourself grace, and patience and love. In turn, you will receive more of the same and you can keep on your path of healing and growth.

What do you think? Have you given yourself an emotional reality check? Share what ‘side effects’ you changed for the positive or which ones you want to change, but need some encouragement.

It’s your time to rise.

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